In Breaking Free, Pia Mellody believes that jealousy is “a combination of shame and anger.” Shame because you feel that you are less than others and, therefore, worthless. Anger because you believe that your significant other is being pulled away from you for a more interesting person.
A cycle occurs where your significant other is constantly paranoid of making you upset and you are waiting for the next sign that they could care less about you. This takes security away from the relationship and hinders intimacy.
Being a love addict, I had an ongoing struggle with jealousy. I could find any excuse to believe that I was yesterday’s news for my significant other. I needed affirmation every day to have the assurance that my boyfriend was still interested in me. If he didn’t text me for a while, it was easy to assume that it was because he was talking to someone else. If I saw him in a picture with another girl, I immediately assumed they were connecting and that I’d be dumped for her.
Now, this didn’t come without foundation. I have been cheated on a few times and it really affects your psyche when it comes to relationships, trust, and intimacy. However, I was working in a system that held my significant other in a higher place than God. I had complete affirmation, love, and acceptance with God but wanted something else. God wasn’t good enough for me. That’s a sign of a sick person right there.
Over the past year, God has matured me greatly in the area of love addiction. I’m not “cured” by any means, but I am oh so aware now. It gets easier to catch myself drifting to an unhealthy place. Now, I can stop, remind myself of the facts, and surrender my love addiction to God. He is faithful and my life is peaceful. Misery is now something that comes and goes quickly. A year ago, it had been my daily since high school. It’s hard to imagine ever living like that again. Praise God for healing and recovery!
So, bottom line, surrender your shame, anger, and jealousy to God! Look to Him for all your needs and give your significant other a break.
Tomorrow: Insisting People Have Your Value System… Yikes