I have a great fear that has hung with me since I was a child. It haunts me and it’s also inevitable. When I think about it, my body goes cold, I feel sick, and my mind is trapped in a prison of panic. My fear is of eternity. It’s a puzzle I can’t solve. It’s a hypothetical with no conclusion. It’s my destiny.
I’ve asked my parents, teachers, mentors, counselors, and friends what the best way to deal with it is. Some say suppress it, others have not had the fear of eternity and don’t understand mine, and others have advised I think of something else when the fear creeps in. I’ve tried it all.
Lately, the thoughts of eternity have been running in the background of my mind. Now that I’m not obsessively thinking about guys, I guess my mind needed something else to continuously ponder unhealthily. Eternity, it is.
However, things are changing for me. I’m hosting a workshop at this conference in March and the topic is spiritual warfare. Due to the nature of the subject, I’ve been studying angels, demons, and the devil. Not a topic I get into daily. As I’ve been studying Satan – who he is, his career, motives, and end goal – I’ve found he began his rebellion in deception, lives to deceive believers as a hindrance to the work of God at present, and seeks to rule in God’s place by ultimately deceiving the world into believing he is God.
Knowing this, the thought occurred to me yesterday, am I misconstruing my fear of eternity as God-given, instead of an attack from Satan? If Satan’s goal is to deter me from the work of God, what greater way could he do that than terrifying me into distancing myself from my Creator? Fear is a powerful thing and we can allow it to control us.
Last night, as anxiety churned in my stomach for far too long, I decided things were going to be different. No more! Satan has been using this fear in me for far too long and it stops now. I wrote a letter to God last night writing out my fears in detail and asking Him to remove them.
“Lord, I pray that You remove the fear and anxiety from me in Your divine, perfect will. I pray that You replace it with peace, confidence, and a hope of things unseen. Show me an alternate way to think of life that never ends. Show me joy, gratitude, and anticipation. Forgive me for dreading Your greatest gift. Father, walk with me in this one. Let Satan have no jurisdiction here. You are greater than my fear. You are so good. Have me see that. Have me live that.”
What fear is controlling you? Have you given it to God yet?