As Rachel on the Bachelorette would say, I’m going to “keep it 100” with y’all and let you in on the struggle I’ve had the past couple of months.
An ongoing weakness of mine that runs in my family is depression. I know depression sounds miserable (and it is), but it’s also oddly comforting. I am familiar with curling up on the couch to take a nap and escape the world, driving to work in a numbness of surrender to unhappiness, maintaining a safe fog of distance at work from reality, and shoving down the little thoughts that pop up telling me to process my situation. It feels horribly good to be a victim.
But ultimately, being depressed is mainly just horrible.
I’ve allowed depression to manipulate my life decisions in the past. I’ve quit jobs because I was miserable, ended relationships, and not completed creative projects that could’ve really benefited people. Depression, for me, is basically a long, numb venture of pure laziness. When I’m in the midst, a proverb always enters my mind:
How long, you sluggard, will you lie there?
When will you rise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to relax,
and your poverty will come like a robber,
and your need like an armed man. (Proverbs 6:9-11)
It’s a cycle I am familiar with, yet, can’t seem to shake when I’m in it. I was in this depression when it came time for a counseling session, and I am so glad I entrusted to my counselor how I was feeling. It can be hard, even with counselors, to be honest with how you’re doing. I’ve been seeing mine for quite some time and I was concerned she’d be disappointed with my seeming regression in recovery.
Of course she wasn’t. She shared with me an exercise to do through the phase and I want to share it with you, because it helped me sooo much.
Set a reminder to check in with God every two hours.
- Write down how you’re feeling in that moment
- Ask God to show you what He’s teaching you in the process
- Ask God to remove any negative feelings
- If you have to, go into the bathroom or somewhere else private and literally shake the depression (or other negative feeling) off of you
- Thank God for what He’s going to do in your life
- If God has placed any phrases in your mind or led you to a specific scripture, place it somewhere you can see throughout the day
Try it out! I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.